I saw a headline the other day that cited an actress married her boyfriend of three months. Without going into the details of their particular situation (because I really don’t know, nor exactly care to know), I did stop and think “What IS “long enough”?
Can you know someone enough in three months time to know that you are willing to spend the rest of your life with them? (oooo. I just realized I want to unpack what THAT means, I digress)
I think in three months you definitely have enough days to get to know someone’s family background, their journey to where they are now, what they hope for in their life, if they are driven or not.
You can certainly learn how many days they can go without a shower and if they snore or make weird noises in their sleep.
You can also probably tell if you’re naturally compatible. How does the conversation flow? Have you talked about where you both stand as far as humanity is concerned? What is your voting history? What do you care about? Where are you on certain moral charts, etc. All questions you can ask and somewhat judge the authenticity behind the answers within three months.
So. What more do you need to know before marrying someone? It is my opinion that marriage DOES change things. But in a way that is going to happen whether you’re married in 3 months of dating or 6 years of dating.
It still means you have to make decisions together. What you do financially, emotionally, and physically does have some sort of direct impact on the person you invited to share your life with.
Sometimes the stress of all that seems bigger than it used to be. You may feel restricted in starting and finding new friendships, job opportunities, hairstyles, etc.
Like I said. I think all of those things come along no matter what.
I know I’m going to get in trouble here. Just hear me out.
Is it time for us to evolve from looking at marriage as “the rest of your life” to “recognized commitment to try my ass off to bring everything I have to the table and fight for this relationship until it just doesn’t make sense anymore”?
Because let’s be honest. We don’t know how long the rest of anyone’s life is. We don’t know what twists and turns are in our future. And a marriage that ends in divorce for some unforeseen reason doesn’t have to be a mistake or a catastrophic ending either.
Maybe it just was.
Like anything in life. There are ups and downs. I’ve had some intense both. I’m a better person because of all of it. Does that make me a bad person? A failure?
You better believe it doesn’t.
I’m a damn unicorn.