I have been on edge lately.
And I know that’s my anxiety talking.
It feels like I can’t breath.
And when I pay attention to the fact that I can’t breathe, then I get itchy.
It feels like the million things I need to do are screaming at me.
It feels like failure.
Am I really failing at EVERYTHING?
It feels like every additional noise (outside of my head) is just too damn much.
Because what’s going on INSIDE my head is just fucking noisy.
It feels like, I got one thing done & I managed to do it well.
But… what about all this OTHER stuff?
I have to get up. I can’t stand to look at this list and my failure right now.
It feels like I will use a workout as a distraction (even though I don’t want to) but it is the best option I have.
It feels like, yes! A win!
That made me feel so much better.
It feels like I’m suffocating again.
Did I do something wrong? Did I miss a step in taking care of myself?
I’ve been trying so hard.
What did they say?
What did they mean?
How can they not understand I’m sensitive right now?
Whatever, I don’t care.
Fuck them if they don’t care about me.
Jesus. Get it together.
You are all over the place right now.
Fucking calming down.
You know how to handle this…
Haven’t seen you in a bit? How are you?
You want to sit with me for awhile?
Listen, I know at first I don’t appreciate you. I know at first I ignore you.
I have my own patterns, and I will get better.
For now, why don’t you tell me what’s wrong? What are you feeling?
You always come along to teach me something.
So. I appreciate you.
You really do make me who I am.
Oh wait, you’re leaving?
See you next time.
I’ve been on the edge lately.
Sometimes the edge tho….
…sometimes the edge is bullshit.