Healing is never going to be linear. Self love taught me that.
As I started and committed to the journey of healing my inner child and sloughed off the weight of the microaggressions that raised me, I actually lost (a different) part of myself.
While I was uncovering who I am at my core, I began to open a new box of fear.
The thing is, no one taught me how to love myself. Standing in your light and truly loving yourself was not exactly exemplified for me growing up. The people around me gave with reckless abandon and with no accountability to boundaries & what actually made them happy. In that scenario, it’s the victim role that roars most loudly.
So I began to self-sabotage. I started to lose myself in food. I grew scared that all I was uncovering & healing, in some way, was me standing in light I didn’t deserve.
The problem isn’t the 15-20 lbs that don’t belong to me or my body, it’s more so that self-love is at the root of living a healthy life. And I was lacking.
Self-love is the foundation for health. But food can fill many voids, it can cater to several vices, and it can numb nagging pain.
I looked at myself in the mirror two weeks ago and was disgusted. I began to pick apart what doesn’t look like I expected it to. I pulled at what now exists, but didn’t used to.
Then I made eye contact with myself. The me in the mirror did a nice gentle “Hey, remember the healing work we’ve been doing? These thoughts right here are not yours. Let them go.”
So I looked at my body again and I said “Thank you”.
Thank you for getting me here. Thank you for carrying me. Thank you for not giving up on me. I am here for you. You are beautiful. Look at you, look at how you ripple, look at how you pull tight, watch how you move. You are truly amazing.
It was in that moment that I realized how much I have been neglecting a very simple, but crucial rule.
We need to listen to our bodies.
We are taught to use food for so many things.
But that isn’t what food is for.
Instead of using food as a crutch, what we really need to be doing is no different than what I do when I’m faced with my inner child in situations that are uncomfortable or uncertain to me.
Rather than fall back on habits that were formed without much intention, we need to be taking a second to breathe and ask “What emotions am I not addressing? Why am I not addressing them? What am I running from??”
We need to process our feelings and emotions.
This was a rock bottom for me. I have been working so hard to heal, it was crushing that I wasn’t healing EVERYTHING at once.
But here’s the thing. You can’t do that.
Can you renovate an entire house by yourself all at once?
Of course not, and no one would expect you to. You do it one room at a time. You do it one glaring issue at a time. If the foundation is bad? You start there. Plumbing? Got it.
When it comes time to heal your relationship with food, food is there to help you. In fact, your body welcomes it.
Food has the power to boost your mood & help you through the tough parts.
- sustainable energy food (bananas, avocados, apples, lentils, quinoa, nuts)
- omega-3 fatty acids (fish, flaxseed oil, green leafy vegetables, chia seeds)
- vitamin D (salmon, egg yolks, mushrooms)
- vitamin B (brown rice, red meat, almonds, broccoli)
I challenge you to stay present. When you’re hungry, ask your body what it needs. Ask yourself what you’re feeling. Take time to meditate or go for a walk to sift through your thoughts and separate your head space from your stomach space – before you eat.
Most importantly, I want you to forgive.
Listen to your body & give her all the gratitude you can muster up.
She is truly doing marvelous things.