What’s in my closet? I mean really.
Like in the deep, dark corners (which are actually quite dark when it’s either cloudy or nighttime – or both – I really should put some damn lights in there!)
For the past month or so I’ve been completely overwhelmed with the meer presence of it. So I close the doors when I sleep because it seems to calm the room down.
Out of sight, out of mind.
So sometimes, I lay on my bed with a piano only station playing on Pandora & spend time in my head. Last night that brought me into my closet. As I lay there thinking about everything that’s in there (and yes, I honestly can take you through almost piece by piece…kinda…I said almost) I couldn’t even tell myself if I liked the majority of it.
So. Why is it so hard to let go?
Especially if I’m not even sure I like it. Am I afraid of an empty space? The unknown of if something will come along to take up that space? Does the space even need something to fill it?
I don’t fully believe in the emotional attachment to clothes. I mean, 98% of them have no sentimental feeling. I can think of one item that does – and it was my Grandma’s dress. Other than that, if someone came in and rehauled my wardrobe I wouldn’t exactly be sad.
So what is it?
I’m frustrated with my lack of understanding. I have been pondering minimalism (at least as far as my closet is concerned) because the clutter really just serves are reminders that poke at lingering negative feelings we harbor.
I see streamlining and decluttering my closet as having a parallel affect on my mind.
Plus I can turn my gratitude for a clear and uncluttered mind into an act of giving & just one more layer of gratitude can be added.
WHY when I get all amped up & march into my closet, music blasting behind me, do I freeze at the first item I grab to throw out (and I mean donate)? For why?
I grabbed it for exactly the right reason. I’m SURE of it.
The memories of when I wore it last – whether I LIKED wearing it or how I FELT in it – come back and I think if I just wait until (who knows) I can recreate the memory. No IMPROVE the memory. What if they are what I’m going to (who knows) something special in the (non realistic) future that never actually materializes.
I know I’m not alone in this madness.
And wine. Send that too.