Who Am I

You can Call me Offset, just don’t think I’m Kanye.

Do you ever have one of those days where you wake up & you just know you’re off? Call it grumpy. Irritable. Bratty. Snark. Salty. Whatever, it just happens.

I’ve learned along the way how to treat myself during these moments. And I think it’s not only important to our overall picture of self acceptance and love, but it’s also vital to our mental health.

News flash. You really don’t have to be “on” all the time. In fact, we should take time to talk about what that even means… but maybe later.

Here’s the thing. You are allowed to feel off from time to time. In fact, it’s even probably healthy to. You are allowed to experience all of your emotions and they deserve to be appreciated equally.

Today I woke up extra off. So I want you to walk through my day with me so I can expose how I deal.

6:00 alarm goes off – it’s time to get up, workout, meditate, journal and do yoga.

But… my forehead is already being forced into a squished and wrinkled state.

So I say to myself. This is not how I woke up the past few days… What’s going on with me? Okay. Take a deep breath.

Reset alarm for 7:30.

Wake up. Brush teeth, wash face, get dressed, simple braid in hair.

Walk around aimlessly trying to figure out how I start my morning now that I’m officially out of routine. So I stop and breathe. That extra sleep was the right thing to do.

I remind myself to just be gentle.

I tell myself it’s okay to find calm and love in small places today – so just don’t close off to them & be generous with whatever it is I DO have to give during this day.

I look at the kitchen. The sink is full of unrinsed dishes. I curse the others in this house (in my head) and then I breathe again.

Morning goes on. Zae is up. Fed. Dressed. Off to school.

On our walk to school he makes me laugh. All of a sudden I realize in that moment I forgot I was off. I hug him hard. This is what I mean when I say be open to what the world gives you in love and be generous with what you give back. I gave him me.

I walked home doing deep breaths. Just being. Watching my thoughts float down the river because they don’t HAVE to attach to me. They are JUST thoughts. They, themselves, don’t have feelings.

I get home and do my daily challenge (FB group). It distracts me and then it’s done. Check.

I  think about how I can’t be salesy or friendly today & I have a meeting with realtors to talk about wine. Ugh.

Baby steps, Hannah. This day is about baby steps.

I did my challenge. Nice.

Now. Wash the dishes.

Check. The kitchen immediately lifts one cloud.

Now. Sit down and send 4 emails. Check.

Make a to-do list. Check.

Work on finance writing assignment. Check.

Start blog post. Check.

Get dressed for meeting. Check.

Play solitaire and zone out. Check.

Step outside and feel the warmth. Check.

Breathe. Don’t attach to thoughts. Check. (for now, duh)

I had a child’s lunch of a sandwich (I don’t eat bread), chips, and a fruit snack (holy sugar).

I put on a dress. Pulled back my hair. Put on some lipstick.

I did something that terrified me – made a video for my social channels. I embraced that they suck because I’m new. A complete rookie.

Then I left my house to go to a meeting that terrified me. With a few realtors at their office. Where they are all going to focus on ME and how I propose I can help THEM. With wine.

Went into meeting with a deep breath and telling myself they NEED me.

They do. We’re moving forward.

New client on the books.

Then my cousin text. He made me laugh. He made me smile. 

Then my uncle text. He made me passionate about an article/news. He made me feel loved. He made me feel valuable. 

Then I made two new meetings with potential clients this week yet.

And all of a sudden, all those baby steps later I realized I’m alright.

It’s 3:00 and I’m alright.

Baby steps. Am I at ground zero?

Naw. But I’m a heck of a lot closer than I was when I woke up.

And along the way I found beautiful things. Love.

Conversations. Opportunities. Blooming bushes.

 

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